Bruise extravaganza

I thought I'd share some pictures of my tasty bruises :).  I got this knee bruise by doing a very uncontrolled knee drop during Monday's endurance practice.

My right ass/thigh bruise is pretty faded but it was quite impressive a week ago. I got it by falling on the same part of my ass/thigh three times in one night trying to do 180 degree turns while skating.

Last butt not least: my left ass cheek bruise! This is my most impressive bruise to date. I earned it Thursday night after I did some epic flailing then fell on my ass while jamming for the first time. Good times, good times.

The joys of the job search

I love looking through the job postings on www.indeed.com.  After a couple weeks perusing the hundreds of daily postings, I've identified a few ways to avoid listings that are guaranteed to waste my (not so) precious time.

1. Avoid job titles including the words casualty, armed, and infectious.
2. "Independent Consultant" really means "we're not going to pay you."
3. If you don't know what the acronyms stand for, you're probably not qualified for the job.
4. Mystery shopping gigs and work at home ploys are ultimately scams.
5. Anything posted by NES Staffing is likely to be an identity theft scam, as they immediately send you a request for a background check that asks for your Social Security number.

     Apparently the most sought after professionals today are Speech Language Pathologists.  There are at least twenty postings a day from various school systems desperate for SLPs.  Nurses and doctor type people are also in high demand.  There were two postings today begging for Urologists.  I have to respect anyone that devotes their career to the care and preventative maintenance of people's peepee systems.  I wish I knew how to administrate a network or develop an SQL JMS thing while having MQ experience, because the people writing the job listings seem to want people who know what those things are to do their jobs for them.  I bet I could BS my way into an interview by making up a resume with a bunch of cool acronyms in it but if they put me in front of a computer and asked me to actually Java something I'd probably poop my pants.  I don't want to poop my pants.
     I was supposed to go for a job interview today at some photography place in the mall where they pass hundreds of kids a day over Santa's lap for some generic Christmas nostalgia at a reasonable price.  Some kind of benevolent power must have decided to intervene on my behalf by sending down a clusterfuque of random bad luck that prevented me from getting to the mall on time.  First, paving on I-89 cut traffic down to one lane which cost me about ten minutes.  Then I realized the directions I had printed out were flawed after I ended up at the river and not the mall.  By the time I figured out how to actually get to the interview, I was half way across town and five minutes late.  I should have factored in rush hour traffic in downtown Manchester, which apparently includes pedestrians running amok across the intersections and every light turning red as I approached.  Needless to say when I called the photo studio to inform them of my tardiness, their reply was essentially 'yeah....we'll call you sometime.....to reschedule.....'.  Oh well, I have a feeling that I would have wound up in an elf costume handing out candy canes to blubbering hordes of adorable precious children.
  The interview I had yesterday went surprisingly well.  The people in the garment laundering industry seem to be uniformly awesome.  If everything goes my way, this job has the potential to be the absolute opposite of sucking.  I'm trying to stay positive but not get my hopes up too much.  Wish me luck!

Check out my parents' new baby kitty!  I named her Cupcake and apparently it stuck ;).

Stuff I did today!!

I couldn't decide what to blog about, so I'll ramble about the random stuff I did today.

First, I went to see my doctor because she wanted to make sure I wasn't getting any crazier. Apparently I've lost a couple pounds and am no longer in danger of totally freaking out all over everyone. Woohoo :/.

Next stop was my therapist who happens to be pretty cool. He had me do this weird thing where I had to visualize the different parts of my personality as distinct people and they had to interact with each other. It was  interesting to say the least, but I think it might have helped.

After a morning focused on my nuts-ness I decided I deserved a little BK Lounge for lunch. Double Stackers totally rule and are the perfect cure for getting way too in touch with yourself. Mocha BK Joes are pretty good too (its like an iced coffee with chocolate in it...yummmm!!!!). Interesting side note: apparently there's a new Whopper-scented perfume: BK Flame 

I got home and got a call from some people who want to interview me tomorrow; crazy huh?  I think its an actual interview and not a "career information session" like those people over at Waddell and Reed scammed me into last week.  Apparently the job involves managing people who deliver professional uniforms and clean room garments.  Hmmm.   I do enjoy being a delegatrix, so the job might not totally suck.  I'm usually pretty good at telling people what to do and gosh darn it, people like me (or something).
     Hopefully the interview will go smoothly and they won't ask why I randomly quit my last job.  How do you sugarcoat going crazy and crying all over the place?  I'm not psyched about my outfit, either.  Since I lost so much weight, NONE of my dress pants fit!  I lucked out at Goodwill and found a pair of blue pinstripe pants from the Gap and a pair of blue brown and white pinstripe no-name pants, but I didn't have any shirts that worked with them.  They were either too big or not professional enough.  I ended up choosing a black pencil skirt thats made out of some unimpressive poly/cotton blend and a sweet Ann Taylor white shirt with pink and purple pinstripes that I also found at Goodwill.  When I got the shirt home, I realized it requires cuff links.  Who wears cuff links anymore?  Good thing my mom had a pair of my Grandfather's hanging around; maybe they'll bring me good luck.  My shoes are boring black Steve Madden pumps and I'm going to wear the standard boring silver necklace and earrings.  I would much rather wear my purple Doc Marten mary janes.  Fitting in sucks :(.  I suppose gainful employment is worth some compromise.

This evening I went to my first Avon District Sales Meeting.  I couldn't believe that some ladies had been selling Avon for over thirty years!  One of the sales reps sold over $1,000 last campaign, and he's a dude!  It definitely gives me hope.

My two favorite shows debuted tonight at the same time and I had to choose between them :(.  My bf was nice enough to tape So You Think You Can Dance for me so I could watch America's Next Top Model.  This season they found a bunch of short chicks for ANTM including this crazy Jesus Freak who ended up dropping out.  Best quote of the night: "I'm modeling for Jesus!!"  I bet she didn't want to get nekked for Jesus.  My favorite is this nutso redhead who apparently was born with a bloody eyeball.  Freakazoids unite!  I wish they'd do an ANTM for aspiring plus-sized pinup models.

I don't have any photographic evidence for my blog tonight, so I thought I'd showcase a random piece of kitschy artwork from my Flea Market Treasures collection:



The dude that sold us this print kept refusing to lower the price on it for about a year and a half. He kept insisting that it was a "fine art print" and if we didn't want it, he could bring it home to his "feminist" wife. Eventually the bf broke down and bought it for me. How can you resist a flying chicken attacking the bare breasts of a psycho mermaid? Its my favorite of all time.

I'm doing things and have goals and stuff!

Color my cat!

I coerced my hot boyfriend into making me a page to color of my cat in space. His name is Cosmo, so it only makes sense that he's a cosmonaut :). Click on the picture to download the pdf and color my cat!



Here's a video of the real Cosmo for inspiration:



I apologize for the terrible video quality, it was early and I have shaky hands :)

Domo family

My boyfriend and I love Domokun, and we've accumulated a fairly awesome collection of them. Check out our pile of Domos! They're always coming up with plots to eat the cat, but thankfully they haven't been successful.

Derby Love

I love roller derby because it kicks ass!!  Where else are you going to find a bunch of awesome sweaty alt girls rolling around and knocking each other over all while wearing short skirts and fishnets?  The chicks in the roller derby league I'm in (The Manchvegas Roller Girls) are some seriously fierce ladies from all corners of the Manchvegas area.  I just joined so I have no street cred yet, but someday I'll be a kickass bitch who knocks chicks down.  Hard.
     Before I joined the league, I taught myself how to skate in the parking lot next to our apartment building.  It must have been amusing for anyone watching because I didn't know how to stop and would roll into the grass at high speed to avoid falling down.  After skating around in the parking lot for a couple months, I decided to try out for a league.  I needed a some indoor skates, so I bought a pair of Riedell R3 skates, Atom G-Rods 2.0 wheels, and Bones Reds bearings.  The R3s fit much better than my outdoor skates (Sure-Grip Boxers) and don't hurt my feet after two hours of practice. 

      The tryouts were nowhere near as intimidating as I anticipated.  I thought they'd have me try to pass the WFTDA Minimum Skills Requirements before I could join.  It turns out that they don't require you to have any skating experience; they'll train pretty much anyone to skate and get the basic derby skills down.  Joining the league was definitely one of the best decisions I've made in a while.  Its great exercise, bruises are sexy, and you get to challenge yourself.  Plus, there's hot chicks!  Derby love everyone :)

I'm So Vain...

I felt like playing dress-up today with this kickass white dress I bought several years ago.  After shellacking my hair into a hot mess, I coerced my boyfriend into following me around the backyard and taking glamor shots of me.  I know it'll be a while until I can be a real pinup model, but since I lost 20 pounds I feel like I'm getting closer to my goal.

Unemploymental

So, I'm unemployed. Its really no one's fault but my own, but I really feel like I had no choice in quitting my job. I was having severe panic attacks at work. It was pretty awful; I would get to work and start bawling and could not stop. I couldn't do my job, I couldn't get anything done. I sought professional help but all anyone could do was offer me more Prozac. It got to the point where I felt like killing myself was a better option than going to work. My boyfriend took me to the emergency room but apparently they can't do anything for you unless you are actually going to kill yourself. I didn't want to die, I just couldn't go to work without having a breakdown and felt like I couldn't give up on my career as a Chemist. After battling with this work panic for three weeks, I decided I had to quit my job. There was nothing else I could do; I couldn't stay at work, but I couldn't take any more sick time. No doctor or therapist could do or say anything to stop the panic attacks. So, about two weeks ago, I quit my job with no employment prospects and no way to support myself. I haven't had a single panic attack since I quit my job, but I can't say that I'm 100% better. There are times when I want to curl up in a ball and hide under the bed, but I know I have to keep pushing myself to find employment. I'm trying to look at it as an adventure to find myself, and its been fairly interesting so far. I know its essential to stay positive and I know there will be a happy ending to my story.